Holiday Junk Food 2019

It’s December, so, Christmas is basically tomorrow and today we've got a whole slew of seasonal and holiday junk food to review! So, you get to read about me eating things and, in turn, end up wishing you had these things as well. Lucky you!! Granted, most of these things have been out years past and in this year well before November. If you've been on the fence about any of these items, take this as an opportunity to be swayed in one direction or the other!

CINNAMON VANILLA LUCKY CHARMS

You can't honestly go wrong with Lucky Charms, in my opinion, especially winter themed ones. And, don't get me wrong, I love basically all overly sugary cereals pretty equally but Lucky Charms was probably the first cereal I ever fell in love with as a kid. So even if this cereal sucks in any way, it's still good by nostalgia alone.

I believe these are brand new as of this year but don't quote me on that. Cinnamon Vanilla; so, vanilla marshmallows as per usual with cinnamon oat cereal pieces. Without milk, I get the cinnamon but it's not very intense which is fine. Sometimes too much cinnamon makes for a bad experience however, I can't remember a time that there was too much cinnamon in my cereal. With milk.... I feel like that cinnamon gets almost completely lost. It tastes good by all means, just not as cinnamony as I had hoped it would be. Even the cereal milk at the end leaves very little traces of cinnamon. The marshmallows make up for what the cinnamon lacks. I don't care, you can't fuck with Lucky Charms marshmallows. You could put them in dog shit, it'd still be amazing.

I'd buy these again, more than likely. They're not Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch but, they're ok.

LITTLE DEBBIE EGGNOG CAKE ROLLS

I may have mentioned it back in July when Little Debbie unleashed their Christmas in July Christmas Tree Cakes. In the case that I didn't, I'm saying it now.... I fucking LOVE Santa Claus art like this! More specifically the Coca Cola Santa Claus is my favorite but, these ones on the Little Deb boxes are pretty damn close. Without even looking at the flavors, I needed them for the box art alone.

I'd like to take a moment and congratulate Little Debbie for nailing this flavor. You can smell the eggnog immediately as you open the individual cake packaging. With each bite, I can feel my blood sugar rising fast but, as dangerously sweet and rich as these mother fuckers are, they are extremely delicious! I mean, seriously spot on Eggnog cream flavor. I feel like all the cake rolls kind of have the same thing going on with them in texture and density but the flavor of this cake is more on the nutmeg and cinnamon side and has that sort of warm spice to it that you'd typically expect to be on top of eggnog.

One really goes a long way for both the appetite and blood sugar unless you're into that diabetic coma lifestyle. I've second guessed it myself with these. Drifting off into a comfy holly jolly eggnog cake coma has an appeal all of it's own.

LITTLE DEBBIE HOLIDAY SPICE CHRISTMAS TREE CAKES

Another addition to the Little Deb Christmas Tree Cake fam. I don’t know where I've been all this time. Apparently these, as well as the eggnog cake rolls, have been out for a few years. I'm just happy enough that I'm here for it now and living it.

Unlike the eggnog cakes, I couldn't smell much beyond the vanilla icing these are covered in upon opening each individual wrapper. The box says "Cinnamon, Cloves & Nutmeg" and they're right. It's a nice balance of all three. The flavor is pretty light if I'm being honest. None of the flavors overpower the others at all and, like all of their sprinkled cakes, the red and gold glass sugar shards on top really add a great texture to these babies.

All in all, not near as sweet as the eggnog cakes but still very delicious. Would go great with a cold glass of milk or even with a hot cup of coffee.

HALO TOP GINGERBREAD HOUSE

If you haven't had the chance to try any Halo Top ice cream ever, fix that. Before I dive in, this is light ice cream with calories that you can fit in your diet and not feel like a complete piece of shit cow at the end of the pint. I love my Ben and Jerry's but, if I'm looking to consume fewer calories and still enjoy great frozen dairy goodness, Halo Top is where it's at.

As much as I love the idea of gingerbread cookies and houses at holiday time, I really don't like gingerbread cookies much at all. I like the flavor but I hate the texture. Maybe it's just me but, any time I've had a chance to partake in gingerbread cookie consumption, I feel like they're too hard. Is there such a thing as soft gingerbread cookies? Anyways, this ice cream helps tremendously in getting my personal gingerbread flavor fix without the broken teeth. The gingerbread is strong enough without being too overwhelmingly spicy and It truly blows my mind that something that tastes this good has only 360 calories in an entire pint. You could eat 3 of them and still have less calories then some of the better Ben and Jerry's pints however if you are a chunky ice cream type of person, stay away from this as there are no chunks of anything in sight.

If you're looking to stay under in calories and still get some holiday enjoyment out of an ice cream, this is for you! As a light ice cream, I felt that this deserves at least a solid 8 out of 10.

SOUTHERN COMFORT VANILLA SPICE EGGNOG

Up until a couple years ago, my eggnog experience was nothing short of disappointing. I hated it the moment I tried it. I believe it was the Pennsylvania Dutch brand alcoholic eggnog. I was 16 and and gave into a lot of peer pressure.

Fast forward to 2017 while scanning the dairy aisle at Walmart in December, I find this beautiful and seemingly inviting quart of Southern Comfort eggnog in vanilla spice flavor. If any eggnog would work for me, it would undoubtedly be this one. I wasn't even a little bit wrong; this stuff is actual liquid holiday crack and I am fucking addicted! It's a lot thicker than other eggnogs I've sampled more recently but I really enjoy that texture rather than runny and thin eggnog. This texture works great especially if you plan on mixing in alcohol as this doesn't come pre mixed. The vanilla is super sweet and you get that little bit of spice from the big nutmeg and cinnamon notes in the mix. This stuff makes a great addition to a cozy wintery day indoors.

I'm sure most 'normal' people would be more than satisfied with a small glass or two. Personally, I would have no problem drinking the whole quart and risking all the wonderful digestive problems that would surely follow. If you dislike eggnog in any way, I recommend you give this one a try. It's also a great one to start off with if you've never tried eggnog before.

GREAT VALUE HOLIDAY SUGAR COOKIE POPCORN

It seems like Great Value is heading in a relatively out of comfort zone kind of direction with a lot of foods they've been releasing lately and right away, I thought to myself.... is this a bad decision? I'm more of a buttery salty kind of popcorn guy myself (guy who enjoys buttery salty popcorn, not actual guy made of popcorn). And also, how well could they pull this off? It's not like typical sweet popcorn which is usually covered in chocolate, and all kinds of other bullshit. And it's also not like kettle corn which is basically just bad food that people pretend to enjoy. This is just straight popcorn, salt and flavoring.

As the popcorn watches me dance around outside of the microwave, you can smell that vanilla almost immediately. And this vanilla is smelling pretty artificial. The taste is actually a lot better than I had originally anticipated. It's still artificial vanilla to me, but it's a taste that I'm not ashamed to admit I enjoy. It's also somewhat salty and buttery and VERY sweet.

All in all, I've eaten 3 bags of Holiday Sugar Cookie Popcorn so far and there are absolutely no signs of slowing in the near future. I can imagine they will compliment a fine evening in with ugly Christmas sweaters, cold eggnog, and a favorite holiday flick quite nicely. You could also use them to make a holiday potpourri disguised as garland for a tree that you bought at Goodwill that stinks like an old ashtray.

SWEET CINNAMON KIT KATS

First off, the packaging is a little cooler than the Pumpkin Pie Kit Kats. It features two little Kit Kat elves with some sweet sunglasses; like a mix of Will Ferrell in Elf and Sprites mascot Cool Spot. There is also a cartoony image of a cinnamon bun. So, these shouldn't be anything like those little red cinnamon bastards that magically make their way into every grandmothers cupboard and hopefully will taste a lot more like warm cinnamon buns instead.

Upon opening one individually wrapped Kit Kat, the smell is chocolaty with a nice warm sweet cinnamon tone. The kind of cinnamon that makes you feel cozy. At first bite, the chocolate is most prominent followed by that warm cinnamon. The cinnamon isn't overpowering in any way and compliments the chocolate quite nicely; it's a little lighter but builds slightly as the chocolate melts. I love these already. I get fresh baked Cinnabon out of this but with crispy, crunchy chocolate. There are certain things that really nail that sort of cozy Christmasy feeling food wise; these now belong to that list. They also make great decoration inside glass Christmas tree containers if you're feeling fancy.

Santa isn't getting cookies this year as I'm sure he will be more than jazzed by these beautiful little nuggets of Christmas joy.

Well, that's it for now, folks! Thanks for reading! Now, go out and buy some junk that you'll more than likely regret eating afterwards!