FRIENDS has always been my go-to show, but after many, many years of watching the box sets on repeat, my family forced me to watch another show with them, at my reluctance. Said show, SEINFELD. Ok, so four people, all with incredibly questionable hair, hanging out in a dingy NYC apartment that doesn’t even hold a candle to Monica’s? - like, come on. No contest what the better show is. So, when I moved to NYC myself, I couldn’t WAIT to have the FRIENDS experience. Needless to say, all of my friends didn’t want to get an apartment, so flash forward to me: broke af, living with three forty year old men I met on Craigslist. So...not quite FRIENDS, even though yes, there is a coffee shop downstairs. I am drawing more parallels to Seinfeld each day, as I’m in the comedy biz, starting to bald from stress, shamelessly nap at my desk like George aaaand get this - I’m the creepy neighbor in this living situation. PLOT. TWIST.

Decidedly living my truth, I began watching Seinfeld on the reg and honestly, truly enjoying it. So, when Seinfeld’s 30th Anniversary started to take over NY I was all in. Advertisements to commemorate its 30th Anniversary began to tear across this stanky city in many forms. Billboards with memorable quotes and cute sketches of Fusilli Jerry, Black and White Cookies and pretzels filled the subway. Sounds cute right?! Absolutely!

…Until people decided that the addition of lude graffiti and shit smears would really “make” the ads. You started to romanticize NYC for a minute there, eh?

You clod.

To take it to the next level, the MTA decided to make limited edition Metro Cards for the anniversary. Having a cool Metro Card is a status symbol. It shows you’re cultured and also a big sellout. So of course I went to try to get my grimy little talons on one.

This is where I truly had an experience worthy of a Larry David rant. My dedicated friend, Victoria posted the coolest Boomerang of her new Seinfeld metrocard. I. Needed. One. So, I looked up the stations they were sold at and ventured to buy one, even though I do not need to because I already forked over an arm and a leg for my monthly unlimited card. So, I get there, pay the $5.50 for a card I don’t even need...and what limited edition card gets spit out? A “Remembering 9/11” card. *Sigh*I stare down at a Firefighter covered in soot and a heroic service dog. I trekked all the way to Times Square - a human cattle farm - for this?

Woah woah woah. Reality check Jillian. I can’t even be mad because it’s 9/11. You pieeece of shít (@me, to clarify. Not you, you’re good). Ok so I was a little disappointed for like a half a second. SUE ME.

So, I tucked my guilt card into my wallet and then proceeded on the goose chase. My friend, Victoria is an all out saint. She guided me through Penn Station via text while she was at work, because clearly this was a dire situation, to the exact card machine she got hers. $5.50 later and a fraud notice from my bank, I was the PROUD owner of a shiny Seinfeld metro card. Oh yeah, bebe. We did it. A woman’s body is an incredible thing. She carried me through many panic attacks while trying to hunt down this glossy piece of paper.

Two days later was Seinfeld night at the Brooklyn Cyclones - a minor league baseball team on Coney Island. Some people may sniff their noses at a minor league team, but oh no. Not me. These are men who may not yet have hit the peak of their career, are in their prime for physical appearance and fitness. YES, okay?! I go for the butt watching.

Ok now, what makes this even better? You called it - Seinfeld night. Bizzaro Jerry was there in the flesh for a meet and greet with fans and to announce the lineup, they played snip-its of the show during the game on the Jumbotron and last but not least, each fan received a Fusilli Jerry figurine. Tickets were only $20, and it was an overall steal! You got to be by the water, get a Fusilli Jerry and see a winning game (I have no idea if the Cyclones won - we left in the seventh inning. But let’s pretend!) If you’re in the NY area, this is a yearly game, which I highly recommend you check out!