Jimmy Carter Carries Out One Last “Official Act” Just to Know How It Feels

Derek Laganelli

In a recent landmark ruling, the Supreme Court of the United States voted in favor of granting all former and future president’s legal immunity to carry out “official acts”. It’s a level of protection that’s never before been granted to our Commanders in Chief, leaving some concerned about the potential abuse of this newfound lack of accountability. One person staunchly in favor of the ruling? 39th President, Jimmy Carter.

“I think folks aren’t seeing the bigger picture here,” said a surprisingly animated Carter, “this ruling is giving me a gift I never thought I’d be lucky enough to receive.” Carter then reached under his pillow and pulled out a loaded Sig Sauer P226 service pistol, complete with an attached suppressor. “I know everyone has always thought of me as a gentle humanitarian who’d never hurt a fly, and while that’s mostly true, deep down every man wants to know how it feels…to…” Carter trailed off before falling asleep, his hand still firmly wrapped around his piece.

We did reach out to the office of Justice Samuel Alito for clarification as to whether President Carter would legally be able to carry out his last official act. We were told that if Carter’s victim was anyone but a registered Democrat, he would be tried and sentenced to the full extent of the new law that SCOTUS just passed five minutes ago. It should be noted that we also tried contacting Justice Clarence Thomas on this matter, but did not receive a response as he was on an all expenses paid Caribbean vacation.

*Disclaimer: Everything you’ve just read has been satire, and we can’t even believe that we have to mention it just to keep us from getting sued. Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.