Recap August 26 - 31
Wow, WHAT a week. Seriously, we have so much to talk about! And before anyone asks, no we’re not going to cover ProJared’s weird video about him talking about his tumblr for nudes, so don’t ask. Anyways…
Disney Steals Our Money Yet Again
Goddammit. After the whole Spider-Man business last week, Disney realized they needed a new way to get their hands on our money…and quick! But how does an evil entity like Disney coerce grown men and women who know better to hand over their paychecks? By capitalizing on childhood nostalgia, of course! I mean who over the age of 25 is really going to say no to a compilation/remaster of two of the best games of our childhood? And before you say responsible adults, just remember which blog you’re reading right now…how possibly responsible can you be?
In all seriousness, just look at the absolute bang for your buck you’re getting here. You’re getting not only the premier versions of these games, you’re also getting their mobile counterparts that you’ll never actually play! The main problem we have with Disney is that we absolutely despise their business practices, and yet we cant help but continue to hand our money over to them at every possible opportunity. This game will be no different.
Terminator: Dark Fate? More like Terminator: Not Great!
We’re really sorry guys. We hate ourselves for that, so we understand if you hate us too. A new trailer is out, and boy do we have a lot to say about it. The trailer opens with a line from Sarah Connor, and if you’ve been wondering what Linda Hamilton has been up to since 1992 the answer is: smoking. She’s developed a rasp that would even make Harvey Fierstein jealous. Anyways, if you think you’d like to see a 75 year old terminator who’s been hiding in the woods for two decades, despite having been destroyed at the end of two (you could say that this movie is set before he goes back in time, but then explain why he’s older! Everyone knows that robot skinsuits age in a linear way the same as humans, shut up.) this movie might be for you. The trailer is riddled with just about every cliche you can find in a modern action movie crammed into 2 minutes. I mean just listen to the noise in the first second of the fucking trailer. All of this would be forgivable if we could just get one scene of fat, filthy, middle aged John Connor walking out of his bedroom for the first time in weeks to inform his mother that they are out of pizza rolls, but apparently ole Jimmy Cameron has a different vision for this film. Anyway, if you want to witness the sheer, unbridled “meh” factor of this film for yourself, we’ll throw the trailer in here… or you could just watch the new Joker trailer down below if you want to see something actually interesting.
The New Joker film looks like it might actually be Good
Another trailer has dropped for the Joaquin Phoenix led Joker solo film and it looks… interesting! I will say though that if you’re expecting a Joker like any of the one’s we’ve gotten before (except Jared Leto, nobody wants that), you’ll probably be disappointed. This looks to be a very fresh take on the character, with little influence from the comics or other media being incorporated into it, or so the trailer would indicate. Rather than focusing on this as the only negative of the film we’re expecting, we chose to view the positives. This has the potential to be something completely new, both to the character and to comic book movies in general. In a time where comic book movies have been skewing further into the comedy territory, this film featuring a clown-themed failed comedian turned (presumably) mass murderer looks to be a step in the opposite direction. The character we see in the trailer seems more like a sympathetic figure, suffering from deeply rooted psychological troubles… and with a Joker laugh that puts Mark Hamill to shame. Check out the trailer below and try to view it not through the lens of “This isn’t the same Joker I’ve seen anywhere else and I’m pissed!” and more through the open minded “This might be something unique and interesting.” After all, while there is a more or less standardized version of the Joker, the comics have always allowed for new, innovative, and experimental one-off takes on the character.
TOOL PUTS OUT A NEW ALBUM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 13 YEARS LIKE ANYONE GIVES A SHIT.
We can only assume this is the new album’s cover art
Many of you, most of us actually, know James Maynard Keenan as the Arizona-based vintner whomst has taken the wine world by storm, but apparently long before that he was the frontman of some band or something. Despite obviously being far more famous for hob-nobbing with the wine world’s elite he apparently decided that his new found fame would be the perfect way to get his band noticed. So, now his little indie rock quartet is putting out a new album, the first since 10,000 days came out 13 years ago… not that anyone does or probably should care. We love you for your wine James, not your whine. Stick to what you know, buddy.
Boysfeed: 10 Best Total Divas Episodes Of All Time (According To IMDb)
The latest entry on our chronicling of terrible and lazy internet journalism come courtesy of ScreenRant, usually a very good site for informative movie and tv news, they aren’t immune to things like this surfacing from time to time. So blowing right past the “Who gives a shit?” factor of anything related to Total Divas, the reason we picked this article is more due to the utter fucking laziness of it. How do people get paid to be this lazy? Where do I sign up? The “author” didn’t even bother to come up with their own list, they literally and unabashedly ripped the rankings off of IMDB. Normally this wouldn’t be the worst thing as long as they provided some of their own opinions or commentary on the list, thus potentially adding something of value, but that doesn’t happen here. Instead we just get basic descriptions of what happens in each episode, with no additional commentary because that would require actually watching the show and forming an opinion of it. If you’d like to see a perfect example of the kind of article you write when you have nothing you care about to write about and deadlines to meet, click right here. Just be warned, you could save yourself some time by just checking the show’s IMDB for 99% of the relevant info in the article.
