PUMPKIN EGGNOG FRIGGIN SLAPS

HOOD PUMPKIN EGGNOG FRIGGIN SLAPS

Derek Laganelli

*Author’s note: I think its important to note that this is technically my second review of this product in one night. Earlier I poured my heart and soul out onto the page via the Squarespace app, only to find out hours later that what I had written suddenly vanished into thin air. Lesson learned - do not trust an app that we pay a premium for to work. You’ve made the list, Squarespace.

Anyways, all season long, Grimey & I have been talking about eggnog. We’ve been reassuring each other that it’s FINE to drink eggnog this time of year, much like middle school best friends reassure each other that their AC/DC t-shirts are cool; we know that we’re right, even if the majority doesn’t seem to agree with us. I mean really, the spices you find flavoring an eggnog are much the same as what you find in the ever popular “pumpkin spice” blend, so to everyone shaking their heads in disgust right now I say to you, get off your goddamn high horse.

Well, we no longer have to live in secrecy, Hood dairy apparently had the same thoughts that we did and decided to grace us with none other than PUMPKIN EGGNOG!

I nearly shit my pants while walking through the store last night. This beautiful orange carton called out to me from across the building and I’m not certain, but I may have floated over to it the same way a vampire floats over to a big ol’ neck.

I’m not super thrilled with the packaging as a whole, but I’ll let it slide because I think Hood realizes that there’s probably a bigger Thanksgiving ‘nog audience than Halloween ‘nog…but deep down we all know that this one is for us god dammit. I have to say, this stuff is absolutely delicious. I know that Hood is a New England based dairy operation, so I’m not sure how easy it’ll be for you all to find if you’re not in the northeast. I think Grimey is going to have a hard time coming across this, so you can bet that we’re actively figuring out logistics to get him a carton of this stuff before it turns into a nog cheese. If you’re in the same boat as Grimey, the best way I can describe the taste is if you were to let a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Pumpkin Cheesecake ice cream melt, and then chug it.

That’s not even the best part though, check this out…

Is that not the most tantalizing orange colored beverage you’ve ever seen? If a pumpkin could take a piss, I’d imagine this is what it’d look like…and I mean that in the best way possible.

To conclude, this stuff is really top notch, an A+ through and through. If you’re able to find some, you absolutely must pick up at least one carton to try. For those of you who can’t find any, I suggest you start writing letters to Southern Comfort right now so hopefully they can whip up their own version for ‘21!