Midsommar Review
Terrible Film, Great Dick Joke.
Now we’ve seen a lot of reviews that refer to this movie as a slow burn film - well it’s not. You see, slow burn means that it starts off slow and eventually burns. Midsommar starts off slow, continues to be slow, then just kinda fizzles out. The one takeaway we had after sitting through this 2 1/2 hour snooze fest, is that it could possibly be considered the most elaborate dick joke ever committed to film, and I guess that counts for something. Not much, but something.
part 1: the setup
If you weren’t already aware, this is the sophomore effort by director Ari Aster, who gained a lot of well earned praise and recognition for last year’s excellent Hereditary. It was one of those rare, once in a generation master works, that was executed with such skill and expertise. The movie was appreciated by both hard core film enthusiasts and casual horror fans alike. Boy, does lightning not strike twice. From the first frame of Midsommar, we are greeted with a lot of similarities to the themes of grief that were explored so well in Hereditary. We even got the same pit in our stomachs that we did this time last year, leading us to believe we were in for a similar journey with this film - something that we were incredibly excited for. This was done deliberately, to throw the viewer off from suspecting any unwelcome genitalia. That Ari’s a sly bastard indeed.
The sly bastard in question: Ari Aster.
Part 2: The build
As with most dickless movies, we are offered exposition to further the plot of the film. In this case, we go with a group of friends (the worst people to ever exist, we’re convinced) and the final girl of the film (the only almost relatable character) on a research trip. You see one of the friends is an anthropology major who wants to write a dissertation on European Midsummer traditions. Which conveniently leads the group to plan a trip to another of the friend’s home village in Sweden. Isn’t it great how these things just work out? Immediately, and I mean IMMEDIATELY after arriving in said friend’s village, the group starts tripping on mushrooms. What else do you do after commuting for 13 hours? We don’t condone drug usage here at DemBoys (for legal reasons) but if there were ever a time to take them, during this movie wouldn’t be a bad start.
Anyways, getting back on topic, not much happens for a while. We see some weird sights, and meet some weird people, and just generally assume that this is all building up to anything but a big ‘ol dick on the screen. We’re even fooled about the nature of the film, when about an hour in we actually see some disturbing deaths! This leads the audience to believe that film is finally going to start getting good. It doesn’t. The film drags on for another hour, as the sense of dread that it tried to build slowly in the beginning fades into boredom.
Just when you finally think this all might be going somewhere, it happens…
You know where this is going.
Part 3: the punchline
Ok, we’ll stop dickin’ around, THIS is where the greatest cinematic gag of all time comes to fruition.
After two hours of anticipation, hoping, wishing, DREAMING for a payoff to rival it’s predecessor Hereditary…we get Bruno’ed. Sleep Away Camp’ed. Michael Scott-ed.
That’s right, our leading man (played by NOT Seth Rogen) whips it out and bares it all, much to the shame of his mother I’m sure. I mean, if you’re gonna hang dong, at least make sure the movie you’re doing it in is worthy of your wang. What then follows is one of the most hilariously awkward sex scenes in all of cinematic history. We say this sincerely, as the entire theater erupted into laughter for a scene that we can only assume was meant to get under our skin. The clip below achieves a similar comedic effect.
I assure you, this sex scene is about the closest Midsommar gets to achieving Rain Man’s brilliance. Seriously, no idea what they were going for there. They probably assumed everybody saw the dick, figured the movie was over, and left. If I’m being honest, we all should have. The rest of the movie’s third act was so predictable that anyone with two brain cells to rub together could have seen it coming from miles away.
The analysis
So why is this prank so amazing? Imagine if you will, being a wunderkind director, taking a nation by storm with your first project. Imagine being universally praised, having everyone awaiting your follow up with baited breath. Then finally, FINALLY, you release your next film. You make the first act of this film shockingly thematically similar to your previous one. Setting a high bar of expectations early on, only to have it slowly plod along through a second act that fans expect to be a means of building tension. Forcing people to sit through a grueling 2+ hours of movie in the hopes of some kind of satisfying payoff… only to flash a floppy pecker in the audience’s face.
Ari, you really are the master of “The Penis Showing Game”. Midsommar truly is the ultimate tribute to the 2005 hit comedy Waiting.
If you were hoping to hear a bit more about the film’s actual plot, I can sum it up for you in one paragraph. It’s a super original story the likes of which has never been attempted before, where our protagonist visits a small community that borders on a simplistic utopia full of idyllic and happy people. However our main characters soon find that behind the happy facade is a dark undercurrent of cultish behavior leading to a series of murders, deemed necessary to preserve the community’s pleasant way of life. I can say with all confidence that I have never witnessed anything even remotely close to this before.
